Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
