she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
