your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
