4 words: hood of his car
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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