They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
