9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize