found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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