then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
