ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
porn star boner night. come get it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
