if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
