I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
