I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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