just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
