You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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