I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
