Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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