somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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