"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
