She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
