playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
