anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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