When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
