i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize