just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
