Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
