Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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