Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
