Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
