Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
