he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
