When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
