Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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