I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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