I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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