I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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