Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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