She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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