I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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