if i can run in heels then i can drive
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
