He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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