and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
