Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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