Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's shark week go big or go home
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
