my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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