i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
