Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
please don't ironically join a cult
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