I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it's like iHOP with fire
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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