This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
