Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
