cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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