people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
