just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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