margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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