Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
