the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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