Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
