nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
