we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
