i need an iv and a liver transplant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
