no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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