Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
