dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
