Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
