Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
