I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
