You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
