Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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