what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
