Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
