hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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