Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
