We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
