You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize