When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
