You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't like sucking hair
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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