I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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