So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
