I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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