Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm at about main and main street
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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