wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
