i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I yelled at your uterus for you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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